cruel cruel world baby gurl...

Monday, June 06, 2005

im scared. coz i haven't been this happy for so long. coz with every single smile i make, i shed a thousand tears after. how much more now, now that you've been giving me a million reasons to smile?
~~~dont let the bastards grind you down~~~

[reality hit again at 6:34 AM]

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

finally! after almost a month of silence in my blog, i will be able to update it.... the reason i was stagnant that long was beacause muh lil sistah kinda kidnapped my laptop... ehehe.... anyway, i had a very memorable weeks that is full of mixed emotions.... i was exuberant coz i was able to spend and entire weekend with my mom and sisters... i was kinda scared and worried coz i found a lump in my chest area and i went to a doctor for check up, later finding out i have 2 lumps and i need an ultrasound and a mammogram, and possibly a biopsy.... i spend the entire night in an emergency room coz muh sweetie aaron had pains on his right side that's been bothering him for quite sometime... thankfully its nothing serious, just muscle strain... and one more thing... this past week, my bf's mom bought the 2005 eclipse! whew! she's really one hot momma! so i guess thats it for now.... quite a packed week i had..... hopefully things will get better.... ciao!
~dont let the bastards grind you down~

[reality hit again at 8:51 AM]

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

whew! i cant believe its been 10 months since we first became "us".... but in reality i felt like ive been with my baby for eternity.... ive never loved anyone the way i love my ehren... im very thankful i found him and he loves me back the way i want him to.... ~~my baby... you really give good love to me.... happy 10th monthsary ehren!!!!~~

~dont let the bastards grind you down~

[reality hit again at 11:35 AM]

Monday, May 02, 2005

my one and only someone..... je t'aime

[reality hit again at 10:31 AM]

finally... after what seems like eternity i was able to update and change my blogskin... anyway... lots of updates!!! my crazy sistahz are here!!! though they're in san francisco right now and im stuck in los angeles workin my butt off... im really happy knowing they're not so far away from me like they used to be back when they were still in the philippines.... and one more thing... im ecstatic coz muh baby's home from new york!!! after 5 days of tourin the east coast, which left me really lonely and sad.... he'sfinally home! by the way... a good friend of ours just started their life together.... best wishes ruel and michelle!!! well... thats pretty much it for now.... oh! before i forget.... im diggin'nina and kitchie's sounds at the moment... rock on ladies!

~~~dont let the bastards grind you down~~~

[reality hit again at 10:19 AM]

Sunday, April 24, 2005

yay!!! finally... ill be able to see my sisters after a year... anyway... been away for a while, got busy with things... too many celebrations goin on.... had a party the other night coz one ofmy co-workers celebrated her birthday... wont go so much into details... anyway... and my boyfriend's bestfriend is getting married on the 27th! best wishes to ruel and toktok... advance happy birthday to ryan, joey, tita alma and mama nitz!!! love yah..... thats it for now....

~~we're finding our own way together~~
~dont let the bastards grind you down~

[reality hit again at 10:36 PM]

Monday, April 18, 2005

here i am... just 2 days from attending my friends' wedding in norwalk... whew! times really are changin... and they're changin fast... actually too fast for me if you ask... anyway... back to the topic... the wedding was simply beautiful (except for the bridesmaids make up... LOL) hey dont get me wrong... im not bein bitchy here, im one of the bridesmaids afterall... anyway... it was beautiful... you can tell that rose and christian are really inlove with each other.... but then i began to think how will you know when your partner is really the one you wanna spend the rest of your life with? coz frankly for me.. i have no idea... i used to have an ex-boyfriend for 5 years and i thought i'll end up with him for good... well, i thought it was true... not till i met my soulmate and the love of my life aaron that i realized i want to spend the rest of my life with muh baby ehren and no one else.... well... i guess you'll never really know huh?!

~dont let the bastards grind you down~

[reality hit again at 7:25 AM]

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

yup, i admit it. i'm scared to fall in love. Wait, make that scared-shit-out-of-my-wits. Why, you ask? Cause i know myself. I know that when i let myself fall, i will be falling.. hard. and when i'll love, i'm gonna give my heart, my soul, my all - my everything. And i'm old enough to know that there're no such things as happy endings. Ok, maybe there are, but they're rare... actually, rare is an overstatement. Make that, a chance of 1x10 to the negative one hundred percent. As soon as the miserable end comes, how will i be able to take back all that i gave? how will i be able to get back my life that i gave to this one guy who used to, and still, make my heart jump? How will i be able to glue back the pieces of my shattered heart? Sad endings equal a humungous amount of pain, hurt and suffering that i don't think i can live through. Call it selfish. Call it stupid. Call it whatever the hell you wanna call it. Bottom line is, putting my fragile heart out there to him, not knowing if he'll take care of it or not, sounds crazy to me. But then again, who says love ain't worth that risk? Fuck.

~dont let the bastards grind you down~

[reality hit again at 11:35 AM]

[tell me baby gurl what has life done to you]

view my guestbook | sign my guestbook
get your free guestbook

~~sandheartprints~~
[thoughts inside my head]

oh i can't tell you enough
life was never this way
until the day i faced the world
until the day i grew up
this is my sanctuary.... where i leave all my thoughts... my feelings... everything...
this is where my emotions come to life... and where everything goes my way... no holds barred...
~~~dOnT lEt tHe BaStArDs gRiNd YoU dOwN~~~
Bad Karma
I wonder sometimes if you could count on your fingers and toes how many times I’ve let you down
It never took much to make you smile but instead all I ever did was make you cry
And in the end I’ve lost you

And I don't expect you to believe me when I say it will be alright… it will be fine
To you it must be nothing more than bitter lies
You’ve awoken to a nightmare with no hope of being saved
And though you've given it all it's not enough

And I was trying to be sincere
And I can only tell you the way I feel now
Because everything seemed all so new to me
And even though I saw the signs it was still not clear

The things I’ve done to hurt you have cursed me along the way
© Tanika Van Sluytman, The Suicide Files

[baby gurl]

[today]

[before]

[the clique]

[visual memories]

[the lounge]

[credits]